I have a lot to be jealous of Simone Biles for. She’s an amazing athlete. And she’s competing in the Olympics. And she’s a genuinely charming and cool human being. And she’s 11 years younger than me, so she has time on her side.
And I’m cool with that. You worked for and earned everything you’ve accomplished at such a young age. Simone, enjoy the fruits of your labor, I’m happy for you.
But something has happened that has crossed the line. Something has happened that has made me feel ill-will towards Simone Biles, and I don’t want to feel that way about her.
Her and Zac Efron keep flirting on Twitter and it’s breaking my heart.
It all started with this tweet from the world’s most perfect man, when he showed support for our Olympics women’s gymnastics team. Sometimes, I look at the photo and pretend the heart is for me, and dream of a day when him and I can get on the same diet and workout routine together.
And Biles has a long history of crushing on The Fron (what I call him sometimes), like when she went on Ellen and was given this Zac-face leotard.
Biles even said in an interview with People that she has a crush on Zac, saying that he’s packing some “very good looks” and she “heard that he’s nice.” He is nice, Biles, and his looks are great, not just good, you hear?
She even keeps the same life-sized cardboard cutout of Zac Efron in her room that I do.
“Sometimes I used to kiss him on the cheek.” Biles, NBC News.
STAY AWAY FROM HIM, BILES!