Intelligent People Stay Up Late, Are Messy And Love To Swear

How do you work out if you’re a real life genius? Surely there must be a way to tell without having to sit down and do a lengthy set of reasoning and IQ tests?

Like most things, science has stepped in to help out. Looking at different research experiments, science nerds have managed to attribute certain unlikely behaviours with high intelligence

Does this mean that my family and friends will stop berating me for being so bloody antisocial and weird?

1. You love to swear

Fed up of your mum telling you not to call your sister a jumped up little ***? A study published in Language Sciences Journal found that people who curse “have a greater vocabulary” than those who don’t, in addition to being “more articulate.” Shut your mouth mum.


2. Mess is your best friend

If you’re anything like me, mess is only mess when someone else sees it – to you it’s ‘organised chaos’. Researchers at the University of Minnesota had two groups brainstorm new uses for ping pong balls. They found that the group in messier conditions came up with the more creative ideas and were inspired to “[break] free of tradition.”


3. The sound of chewing drives you mad

It’s not something that particularly bothers me, but chewing is a major headache for some people. Apparently 20% of the world’s population has “misophonia,” or a high sensitivity to certain noises. Researchers has found that these people tend to be more creative thinkers than those who don’t suffer with the condition.


4. You chat away to yourself

When you’re a kid you’re encouraged not to chat away to yourself, but apparently it’s good for you. Gigi Engle of Elite Daily collected a bunch of research that suggests talking to yourself is beneficial; seemingly it helps your “brain work more efficiently,” while helping you reach your goals. Go figure.


5. You like a strong drink

Psychology Today found a correlation between childhood intelligence and alcohol consumption in adulthood, believe it or not. So why is this the case? Apparently it’s because modern alcohol production is an “evolutionarily novel” phenomenon, and that “more intelligent individuals are more likely to engage in evolutionarily novel behavior.”


6. Your phone is the ultimate distraction

Tom Cheshire has suggested in a Wired article that: “The evidence suggests that technology can distract them, but it also means — in the right environment and with the right techniques — it could be making them smarter.” Cheshire uses research that says that technology can help students multitask and prioritise. Maybe iPhones are the future?


7. You love a late night

Another one for my mother to read… In a study of 1,000 teenagers conducted by the University of Madrid, the ones who enjoyed later bedtimes “scored higher than morning types on inductive reasoning,” which is considered to be “a good estimate of general intelligence.” Maybe tonight will be the night my mum lets me stay up past 9pm.


8. You spend fortunes of sex toys

Research found that students who attend Oxford or Cambridge—two of England’s top universities—”spend more on sex toys than their peers at other universities.” Fancy a healthy career as a Oxbridge genius? Course you do now.


9. You are an avid doodler

I thought that the kids who drew dicks in class were the stupid ones… A study found that doodling can help people “stay focused, grasp new concepts and retain information.”


So there you have it, being weird, lazy, rude and antisocial actually means you are a bone fide genius. I like to think that Albert Einstein liked to sleep in a room surrounded by whiskey bottles and used chip packets – just because it makes me feel better about my own strange existence…

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